2019, I can say it was such a painful one: I cried, I have suicidal thoughts, I angry to everyone, I just HATE everything in that year. But behind those miserable things, I learnt a lot. I'm trying to put my feet in two sides, I'm trying to be the best friend ever, I'm trying to keep the trust, I'm trying to understand my role, I'm trying to keep my expectation at the very low, I'm trying to live the present life, and let the other trying-list are queuing. Somehow I'm sure the future will surprise me and the past already taught me in a way.
My friend said, every each of us has a role. When we're suddenly being apart with someone we loved, means our role in his/her life is done or the other way round, his/her role in our life is done. It hurts me, but true. Day by day, I'm trying to swallow that bitter fact and I realized it's not their apart thing that hurts me, but my very own expectations: too high, too far, too complicated, and only happens inside my head. It double hurts me.
Another said again, just be calm, it was just like a baby whose trying to walk with their feet. It'll be difficult at first but I'll get used to it someday.
Dear friends, anyone who strengthen me to get through last year. Sharing stories with you are really my happiness. I'm enjoying every moment we have, do a lot of crazy things, remind me to stay sane, and growing up together from a zero moments to million moments. Thus, I'm thanking God still let our faith are moving side by side until uncertain time.
Thank you.
