Pandemic Journal 2020 #1

Hello there !

To every reader in here, I'd like to say welcome and such an honor to have your time, reading my blog. I'm sorry if my previous posts are too cringe to be shared, but this one will be different. Basically, through this blog I want to tell you, my kids, my grand grand children, or anyone in the future about pandemic situation that's happening now on 2020. 

As an opening description, let me describe you in one word: mental

A lot of things have changed since COVID-19 pandemic have started, everyone is panic (including me), hoax news everywhere, chaotic in government, even saying "Hi" and do the hand shaking can be the most dangerous thing. I know dear, it's totally weird. 

Actually it's not the first time mother Earth has pandemic guest, it was 4 or five former pandemics (https://www.cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/1918-pandemic-h1n1.html). But the researcher mostly compare this current pandemic with "Spanish Flu", happening on 1918-1920, one century ago. I don't know the reason exactly why does the Spanish Flu, maybe they have similar pattern cases. There were approximately 500 million people died after that. Human race are struggling within two or three years without any vaccine. Once infected, we're given two choices, die or develop immunity (https://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/1918-flu-pandemic#section_4). The official vaccines released 1940 and manufactured for mass production on 1950. Such a long journey, I know ! 

It's interesting to know the method to stop the virus spread long ago is the same like today. Wearing mask, avoid shaking hand, self-quarantine, shut the public space down, have been done in the pandemic year 1918. In the other side, I'm sad because most of people are potentially fail to learn from history.

The biggest driving force of mine in writing this journal because I hope some day in the next century, when they're another pandemic wave struck again, some one read this write and learn from it: what to do and don't. It's hard to find a private journal about the real condition in a human life, therefore I'll try to write down the journal as regular as I can, wish me luck 😆

My April

I must be the most lucky girl on Earth on that day, can't be more thankful for these. I love you all

Having family around in this rough time is precious, I'm run out of words.

Every second I have and every day has been passed by with them are glorious blessing from God. 

Definisi Cinta

Cinta tidak selamanya indah,
seringkali bermula rayuan dan ditutup dengan kehilangan arah.

Cinta memerlukan waktu untuk dimengerti,
mungkin 10 atau 20 tahun baru bisa mensyukuri tangisan hati.

Cinta tidak selamanya kamu milikku
bahkan sampai detik sebelum sumpah kepadanya terucap, bahumu masih bersandar padaku.

Cinta bisa juga berwarna kelabu
ketika dia bukan memilihmu, melainkan orang di sebelahmu.

Tapi pada akhirnya....
aku memilih cinta yang menerima

Saat kenyataan berlawanan angan,
namun kami tetap berkawan,
kemarin, saat ini, hingga masa depan.


-yay-
27-05-2020 | 2.40 pm (GMT+7)

Do'a

Jalan panjang yang kutempuh tak pernah bersahabat.
Pelik peluh pun melebur merangkai penat.
Bahagia telah hilang, pudar, mengarat.
Menggantung di angkasa, kaku terjerat.

Aku terus melangkah berteman pilu.
Mengikuti arus takdir yang sering sendu.
Satu keyakinan yang mengakar di otakku,
Tuhan ada, setia menemani, dan mencintaiku

Setelah kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan,
Setelah kesulitan pasti ada kemudahan,
Salah satu syair abadi terindah dalam Qur'an
Tuhan genggam tanganku, peluk aku dalam tuntunan.



Aamiin.

-yay-

26/05/2020 | 4.18 pm (GMT+7)

Enjoy

2019, I can say it was such a painful one: I cried, I have suicidal thoughts, I angry to everyone, I just HATE everything in that year. But behind those miserable things, I learnt a lot. I'm trying to put my feet in two sides, I'm trying to be the best friend ever, I'm trying to keep the trust, I'm trying to understand my role, I'm trying to keep my expectation at the very low, I'm trying to live the present life, and let the other trying-list are queuing. Somehow I'm sure the future will surprise me and the past already taught me in a way.

My friend said, every each of us has a role. When we're suddenly being apart with someone we loved, means our role in his/her life is done or the other way round, his/her role in our life is done. It hurts me, but true. Day by day, I'm trying to swallow that bitter fact and I realized it's not their apart thing that hurts me, but my very own expectations: too high, too far, too complicated, and only happens inside my head. It double hurts me.

Another said again, just be calm, it was just like a baby whose trying to walk with their feet. It'll be difficult at first but I'll get used to it someday.

Dear friends, anyone who strengthen me to get through last year. Sharing stories with you are really my happiness. I'm enjoying every moment we have, do a lot of crazy things, remind me to stay sane, and growing up together from a zero moments to million moments. Thus, I'm thanking God still let our faith are moving side by side until uncertain time.

Thank you.

I Cried Just Now

I know it sounds not cool to declare it, but I did.

Why did I cry then?

I'm not sure. I can't make any deduction after all.

One thing that I know: everything that happened to me is something I've never expected before.

Did I expect to work in a factory? No.
Did I expect to be a "magician" in a factory? No.
Did I expect to stay in Surabaya/Sidoarjo? No.
Did I expect to be a businesswoman? A bit, but not in this near time.

I have no clue about those things before.

On the other hand, God wants me to taste not only happiness but also bitter. "What is it like my Dear, do something you do not have any clue about? Can you conquer my challenges?"

I keep questioning these:
Why do I have to be a "magician"? Being a businesswoman is quite exciting yet tiring.
Why do I have to take double jobs? I can earn enough money in my own business anyway.
Why can't I just say enough and get back to my plan? If I stop now, then I'll make a lot of people disappointed. Yes, I am surrounded by people who think that work with people is a phase I must take. The higher income I get, then I'll be the coolest person ever.

See? I got the answer to all my questions. But recently I felt like in a prison. I must do something I have no passion for it, at all.
I miss the plants
I miss my Kew
I miss getting on something related to botany.
I miss my college friends
I miss the forest
I miss the botanic garden
I miss the plant science
I miss my Campbell
I miss............ my old me.

She was a girl who lives her life with full passion and her brain was flooded with a lot of botanic things around the world.

Butter flies

I used to think that I could not go on

my life was nothing when I'm not that strong

And now I know the meaning of true love

I'm waiting for burger without a ham

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

I don't believe butter flies
I don't believe butter sure can fly
I think about it every night and day
Spread on bread and take away

I don't believe butter flies
I see the butler's running through the open door
I don't believe butter sure can fly
I don't believe butter flies
I don't believe butter flies
.
.
.
.
.
Random write from me and my brother-in-law
Original song from R. Kelly titled "I believe I can Fly"